I’m trying to remember that I don’t have to be 100% perfect at everything.  This is so difficult for me. I’m a perfectionist.  A fixer.  I want everyone to love and be happy.  I recently discovered this whole ‘fixer’ thing about myself since moving back to my hometown this past September (that’s clearly been a personality staple of mine since age 5, but apparently I was unaware).

My sisters and I were recently handling an uncomfortable family situation.  A big ol’ family BOMB was about to go off.  I’m the oldest sister, Kari is the middle, Megan is the youngest.  As we were dealing with said bomb something interesting happened:

I was the one up close and personal with the bomb, trying to diffuse it, to keep it from hurting anyone, carefully and methodically handling it.  Calm, composed, practical, reasonable.  I was Jack Bower.

Megan (the youngest), ran away from the bomb as fast as she could.  She didn’t want to be anywhere near the explosion.  She ran and didn’t look back.

Kari (the middle) saw the bomb, but turned her back on the bomb and simply – almost casually – said, “What bomb?”  If she could not see it, it did not exist.

I’m sure you identify with one of those personalities (or maybe you are the bomb – I hope not).  The thing is, this is how it’s always been but I didn’t know any of these dynamics still existed because I’ve been gone for over a decade.  Read: I haven’t been living near family in 12 years.  Something happens when you go back to where you began – you take on roles you once had and shoulder burdens you once carried.  You easily slip into that old familiar typecast, as if no time has passed at all…

So during this season, in the midst of it all I’m learning about myself and about relationships and boundaries and balance and how gracious Jesus is.  It’s such a time of transition personally and professionally.  Every single day I have to set deliberate objectives for my marriage, parenting, work, family, fitness.  It’s exhausting.  I’m exhausted from being an adult sometimes.  Anyone else?

One thing I have found that calms me – one very random thing – is food.  But not in the unhealthy I-need-Taco-Bell-right-NOW sort of way.  Healthy food and food styling is the calm I’ve found during this season.  This is the most random blog post ever so hang with me.  (In my defense, my kids have been at home with me every single day this summer for nearly 3 months; I’m grasping at anything that evokes sanity. hehe)  I’ve always loved cooking, but in the midst of all the craziness I get this deep satisfaction from preparing delicious healthy food and making it pretty.  It just makes me feel good.  I’ve always done this, but more now than ever.

I’ve been sharing meals like this on Instagram and Facebook because they are so good and pretty to look at.  : )


-1 slice Ezekiel Bread
-1/3 avocado mashed, lightly seasoned with sea salt, pepper, hot sauce, finely diced purple onions (if desired)
-1 – 2 hard boiled eggs, chopped (I use two and really load it up)
-dash of dill
-dash of paprika

1. Mash avocado and mix in preferred seasonings
2. Toast bread and spread avocado mixture on top
3. Sprinkle hard boiled eggs over avocado mixture
4. Top with a dash of dill & dash of paprika
5. Enjoy!

What do you do to calm down in the midst of it all?  I’d really love to know.

Shine On,